By Debra Lynne Katz (www.debrakatz.com)
“You are so lucky!” a friend recently exclaimed after I finished telling her about how excited I was about learning so much through my clairvoyant readings and the work I’ve been doing with my students. “You know your soul purpose! But I have no idea what mine is!”. I asked her why she was so sure I knew what my soul purpose was.
“Well obviously it’s your psychic work, and writing about it. It’s all going so well for you, so how could this not be your purpose?” Hmmm, it made sense, but something doesn’t feel right about her comment. In fact, it irritated the hell out of me. It made me feel jumpy, claustrophobic, suppressed, trapped. Why? Hell if I knew.
“OK”, I said to myself, driving home from our lunch. “Where in my body is this irritation with that comment?” My attention immediately went to my heart center. “OK, Heart”, tell me, why on earth would you be irritated when someone tell you your soul purpose is your psychic work? I mean, how could it not be? Even apart from my paid appointments, I spend hours a day remote viewing, speaking to my guides, meditating, praying, visualizing, reading, talking and writing about this psychic stuff. I hardly sleep because of it. The only vacation I ever take is to trainings and conferences.
For all intents and purposes, I am happy, enthusiastic and outright obsessed. So why would I be irritated being told this was my soul purpose?” And boom, the answer was there: It irritated me because I was being told this was my SOLE purpose. My only purpose. I was being squeezed into a narrow definition, shackled to a picture of myself that was so much smaller and so much more limited than who I was. Yes, I am a psychic. Yes I do psychic work. Yes I feel like I am on my path.
But I am so much more than this. I have so many other interests as well, some that I’m currently pursuing and identified with (like being a mom ) others I play around with here and there (as a filmmaker and screenwriter) and others that I haven’t even explored or am even aware of yet but that I very much look forward to discovering. (I’m convinced I am going to become a successful actress starting when I am 85. I have no interest in doing this now). I realized I’ve been working hard to get out of other narrow definitions of myself, and this is what my psychic and healing and meditation work has helped me to do.
What have these definitions been? Well most were ones that others put onto me, and some of them I wholeheartedly I bought into. Those belonging to the latter category were first and foremost, being an identical twin. Until the age of 19 or so, this was my identity, who I was, what made me important, special, unique, and what I did best. My sister, Amy, and I did everything together, we looked exactly alike, we couldn’t go anywhere without causing a scene. And now we shared a dorm room together in college, a tiny room, about 12 feet long and 8 feet wide.
By the end of Spring semester of that year, I was so sick of her as she was of me, and I was feeling so stifled, crowded, hedged in (hmmm, there are those feelings again), I would wander around campus for hours in the cold, desperately searching for some place I could be warm and comfortable, but by myself. One chilly afternoon, I was thrilled to find a vacant classroom unlocked, and I went inside, closed the door, and sat there by myself for a long time under a blackboard covered in mathematical calculations I could not decipher, feeling more than just miserable. It wasn’t about sharing a tiny space with my sister, it was sharing my entire identity with her. Something deep inside was telling me I needed to be on my own, but my head was filled with thoughts that said, “but then who will you be?
The only thing that makes you interesting, special, important, is being an identical twin! Without that you are just about the most boring person in the world!” Then suddenly I asked myself a question I had never been willing to consider. “Well what if she died?” What would happen to me then? The answer came immediately with a feeling of despair, “I would not be able to live without her”. It was at that moment that I knew I needed to make a change. I knew something was wrong with my thinking. I knew there was a lie in there somewhere, probably several, and that my very life was dependent on getting to a place where I would say, “You know what?, if she died I would be sad, but I would could be OK”. I knew that finding myself, apart from this relationship was going to be the most important thing I ever did in my life. Up to that point I thought the most important thing was figuring out where to move, or what to major in (something I never really figured out because what I really wanted to learn was not taught in college).